Random #6

I love you all as you can see. But it's better now, because I'm free. Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you. It's hard to answer the question "what's wrong" when nothing is right. I'm tired of trying, sick of crying, I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying. Maybe one day it will be ok again. That's all I want. I don't care what it takes. I just want to be ok again. When I was younger crying always seemed to be the answer. Now that I'm older crying seems to be the only option.

You say I'm always happy, and that I'm good at what I do, but what you'll never realize is, 

I'm a damn good actress too.

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy. I don't necessarily want to be happy, I just want to stop feeling miserable. Don't fall into the trap of pretending everything's fine when you know it isn't. Sometimes it hurts more to smile in front of everyone, then to cry all alone. I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiled. The one who could brighten up your day, even if she couldn't brighten her own.

To find yourself standing up when everyone else is sitting down. And you aren't sure whether you're walking toward something, or if you're just walking away. Maybe I am crazy but laughing makes the pain pass by.

What do you do when you become too scared, too scared to live, too scared to die, too scared to love, too scared to even care? You can't just hug me and say it's okay because right now... it doesn't feel that way…

We change, people change and things just change. If you are gonna lie about something at least make sure it's worth lying about. I'm often silent when I am screaming inside. Do you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? You don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don't know exactly what's wrong either. I've been a loser all my life. I'm not about to change. If you don't like it, there's a door. Nobody made you stay.

Sometimes I feel like no one cares. Sometimes I feel like no one is there. Sometimes I think I need some help. Sometimes I feel like I'm alone. Sometimes I'm in an empty zone. Sometimes I feel like I'm not alive. Sometimes I think the world should end. Sometimes I think I have no friends. Sometimes I want to make them see that sometimes I wish I wasn't me.

but at least, I'm happy, cause I have friends that always comforting me, they're in my heart.

Please don't judge people who are struggling.

 It rains the hardest on the people who deserve the most sunshine